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But first, let's relive the last seven months or so in a nifty Seacrest-narrated package! In May, Simon Cowell left the show as planned. Ellen followed him in July and Kara Whatshername was shown the door as well. Then, Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez were hired. J. Lo reportedly walked away before her deal was closed, and radio, TV and Internet reports said Idol's goose was cooked. But then Fox officially said Tyler and Lopez were officially official judges, and the hype machine has been chugging away ever since.
Television's No. 1 series returns for its milestone 10th season with all-new contestants, a brand-new judging panel and the best and worst of auditions. Hosted by Ryan Seacrest, the show that transforms dreams into reality welcomes seasoned superstars Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler, who will sit alongside Randy Jackson at the judges' table.
"But it's not our story," the titles blared on the screen on behalf of the judges. "It's yours." But first, more of their story! The show relentlessly hammered home just how awesome and music industry-savvy Tyler and Lopez are, in case the people who watch Idol have never ever listened to the radio. But in fairness, tonight's episode wasn't about the contestants - everyone watching was judging the judges.
The field of wannabe crooners in New Jersey featured some solid contenders, plenty of tone-deaf posers, a few sob stories and even a couple psychos. Ah, welcome back, Idol.
Rachel Zevita, "Hallelujah". "I remember you!" J. Lo lies. In any case, I'm not sure starting the season off with a repeat contestant who got cut in Hollywood week during Season 6 is the best way to scream "Idol like you've never seen before!"
"We're Young and Beautiful" The first 15-old-contestant we've seen since they lowered the age limit. She's got a good voice, but Steven said he wasn't feeling the pizzazz. He's right, and it's probably because, well, um, she's 15! But J. Lo changes Steven and Randy's minds, and she gets a golden ticket.
Her singing was intense. Like, Tarzan screaming in the jungle-intense. Also, it was terrible. Maybe her accent is to blame?
Proving that every reality show needs a Jersey Shore angle, Tiffany's audition is set up with a package on fist-pumping, bad fashion and how to tease your hair. (Also, she has giant stars on her boobs. Oy.) Tiffany, like J. Lo, is Puerto Rican and started singing after she saw Selena. So, she turns into a blubbering mess when she see's Miss Lopez in person.
(He's also been watching the show since he was 7, which makes me feel old.) Randy liked how he "marinated" on some notes and took his time with the song. He had "mad, crazy vocals." Yep, same Randy!
My least favorite audition of the night, and a reminder that all the little kiddies should be banned. At "16 and qwerters (3/4 for you non-Southerners)" she had a very strong voice. But she was unbearably annoying. She documented every step of her Idol journey on video camera, including highway sing-alongs with her stage parents.
Truly the worst audition of the night. He made Sinatra's classic virtually unrecognizable. But I did enjoy his dandy Eagle Scout project about the dangers of texting while driving. Everyone remember that when you're not texting in your votes for him later this season.
She's Britney Spears-obsessed, and even carries around a photo of the pop star in her pocket for good luck. Her song wasn't terribly sung, but it was manic. And very Broadway. She says she wants to be the first show-tune pop star. (Sorry, Ashley, but Adam Lambert already exists.)
Warm and fuzzy alert! Her family escaped from war-torn Kosovo via the green card lottery. She does a great job with Alicia Keys' song, and wins a golden ticket to Hollywood. "You can live the American dream!" J. Lo says. "You won the lottery twice!" Nice, J. Lo.
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